“Wait”

Nothing is permanent in this world then why my struggles are?

Meaningless endless wait! Is this all my life? Most of the times, I don’t even know where it is heading and the pathetic thing is that I don’t have any control over it.

Days pass.. month turns into years. Nothing changes. Except for the burden of my unfulfilled dreams. It only increases.

When I rant about it, people advise me to count my blessings and to concentrate on what I have, rather than on what I wish I had. Well, I can paint a happy picture with my accomplishments and feel content about it, cause what I have could be just a dream to someone. Except I don’t feel content with what I have. And I want more.

And this isn’t me being greedy.. but me being tired of chasing what I truly want and not being able to get it, meanwhile, others (my family) keep deciding what’s best for me.

I am having a hard time facing these failures and accepting defeat maybe because I feel I have not put in my best and there is scope for improvement.

Yet I don’t get enough freedom to explore all my options and am always asked to accept what is granted. It’s like my judgment is always challenged and nobody trusts my decision-making capabilities. I am told to wait and have patience and expect things will happen when the time comes. But I deny waiting around without putting any efforts. And don’t magically anticipate things to happen. Am I wrong in believing so?