I am the first child of my parents so irrespective of gender, the firstborn is immensely loved and protected. So there is no question of not being loved enough or feeling lonely. But still sometimes out of nowhere I get a strong repulsive feeling of being Unwanted. This undeniable feeling makes me wonder if there is any need for me to be in this world. If tomorrow I don’t exist how many people will feel the void or my absence and for how long?
I have lost my grandparents almost 2 years ago. Sure I miss them and occasionally remember them but nothing has stopped after their demise, we grieved for a while but everybody moved on. Nobody grieved for long. But instead, my blood relatives had plans to accumulate or gain the wealth that my grandfather left behind. So this makes me wonder does true love exists in this world or are we just a group of materialistic people who only seek benefit in every form of relationship? It feels like people only form relationships because they are afraid to be lonely. But what about those relationships that you are born with. Aren’t we supposed to be connected to them? Shouldn’t the bonds of blood relationships stronger than any other? Then how can people be nowadays more practical than emotional? I am a very practical person and not very emotional, but when it comes to my parents I am more concerned about their well being rather than make plans of utilising the wealth that I will inherit once they are gone. I don’t like even talking about these things. Imagine my horror when I saw my relatives acting as if it’s normal and it’s their right to discuss/plan about my grandparents’ wealth. Agreed, he lived a long healthy life. He was 90 years old. But does love comes with an expiry date?
Each passing day I lose faith in relationships, maybe this is partially the reason why I am single and afraid to commit to anyone. Unconditional love does not exist in this world. People are and will always be materialistic and everything is about profit and loss.
Essentially all we ever want is to be accepted and loved by the people we care about. And that has always been an unattainable goal of life.
Decode life 